The Stupid Tracker - 5/9/08
Dangerously Stupid
Experiencing shlong shame? Wang not working? Disappointing ding-dong? Maybe you should be blaming someone else.
Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.
If you claim you’ve make someone blind, they’re going to be able to verify the claim pretty quickly. Same with just about any other constantly-used part of the body. But the male organ requires support from the brain to get the job done, so if you think you’re impotent, you probably are. This is actually kind of a clever scam, right up to the point where you get murdered for witchcraft.
Politically Stupid
What happens if you catch a guy who had himself smuggled into your country and the evidence shows is likely a terrorist. How about sending him back where he came from? If you’re Great Britain, nope.
A terror suspect who was once found with a map marked with the flightpath to Birmingham International Airport has defeated the UK Government’s bid to deport him to Libya. The man, who can only be identified by the initials DD, has been described by a court as “real and direct threat to the national security of the UK”.
So why can’t they send him back where he came from? Because he comes from a shitty country. Well, that’s not fair, maybe they just don’t like terrorists either.
. . . the assurances which had been obtained by the UK from Libya, in the form of a ‘Memorandum of Understanding’, were not sufficient to protect DD and AS from a real risk of torture or other ill-treatment if they were to be returned to Libya.
Ill-treatment? What does that mean? Are we talking bamboo shoots under the fingernails or denying him a car loan? Wherever it falls in the spectrum, Mr. Airport Enthusiast is staying right where he illegally is. But to make sure he behaves, they’ve slapped a “control order” on him. That sounds a lot like the legal equivalent of a warning to behave or run the risk of enduring further warnings.
